Greased Newsies
by Backstage
Summary: Newsies... in leather jackets. Fixing cars... talking about summer nights... Tell me more, tell me more!
1. First Day of School

*Begins the fic with a self-slap-on-the-wrist* I'm a baaaad girl... workin' on two-- count 'em *holds up two fingers* One... two-- fics besides this one. As if I'm not getting yelled at enough for not updating *Cough*RAVEN*Cough* Aw, just kiddin' dear! I love ya! *wink*  
  
Well, shall we begin?  
  
SPOT: Not unless you'se askin' ta get sued...  
  
*Blinks* What?  
  
RACE: Ya need ta do the disclaimer...  
  
Augh!! *rolls eyes* Right... Disney owns "Newsies"... yup. I don't. And Paramount owns "Grease." I own Stagey, and Sapphy, Mayo, Raven, Hope, and Canarie all own themselves. *Curtsy*  
  
And before we begin... here's a nice happy conversion chart, jus' so you can see which newsie (or newsgoil *wink*) is playin' who...  
  
DA T-BOIDS:  
  
DANNY - Jack  
  
KENICKE - Spot  
  
SONNY - Race  
  
DOODY - Mush  
  
PUTZIE - Blink  
  
DA PINK LADIES:  
  
SANDY - Stagey  
  
RIZZO - Raven  
  
MARTY - Mayo  
  
FRENCHY - Sapphy  
  
JAN - Hope  
  
OTHER KIDS:  
  
PATTY SIMCOX - Canarie  
  
EUGENE - Davey  
  
TOM - Skittery  
  
CRATER FACE - Oscar  
  
CHA-CHA DIGREGORIO - Sarah  
  
FRENCHY'S ANGEL - Bumlets  
  
ADULTS:  
  
MRS. MCGEE - Medda  
  
AUTO SHOP TEACHER - Esther  
  
COACH CALHOUN - Kloppman  
  
VINCE FONTAINE - Denton  
  
So yes... without further ado, please enjoy "Greased Newsies"!! *raucous applause*  
  
PART ONE: FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL...  
  
((Cue lovely beach montage... and "Love Is A Many Splendored Thing." We see JACK and STAGEY going for a sweet li'l romp through the beach: building sandcastles, body surfing, getting stung by jellyfish, and-- most importantly-- making out like weasels as the sun sets.))  
  
STAGEY: *all whiny* I'm going back to Virginia! I don't know if I'll see you again...  
  
JACK: *Shrugs* So? *Backtracks* Erm, I mean... Don't talk that way, Stagey!  
  
STAGEY: But it's true... I've just had the best summer of my life and now I'll have to go away... It isn't fair...  
  
JACK: *In the passion of the moment, kisses STAGEY smolderingly*  
  
STAGEY: Jack... *pulls away* Don't spoil it!  
  
JACK: *Pouts* Aw, man...  
  
STAGEY: Jack? Is this the end?  
  
JACK: *Trying to be the reassuring summer-fling boyfriend* Of course not... it's only the beginning!  
  
((Cue smashing disco-y number that is SO not fifties-esque, but has a snappy beat. Besides, the cartoons are fun to watch... especially since the cartoon drawings of the characters look nothing like them in real life...))  
  
((Live-action shot of Rydell High School. Kids are goin' everywhere and smoking everything. In the midst of all of this, we see Da T-Boids: RACE, MUSH, and BLINK, frolicking around like the Three Stooges.))  
  
BLINK: Heya fellas!!!  
  
MUSH: *grins*  
  
BLINK: What'sa matter with you, huh?  
  
MUSH: Jus' got done makin' out wid Sapphy... *gets stupid-happy look on his face*  
  
BLINK: I need a girlfriend...  
  
RACE: Ain't OUR fault! *mutters under his breath* Prob'ly gay...  
  
BLINK: Nuh-uh! We can't ALL have Mayo, ya know.  
  
RACE: Nope... ya sure can't! She's all mine! *grins* Hey... there's Spot!  
  
((RACE, MUSH, and BLINK tackle SPOT, a fellow T-Boid.))  
  
SPOT: *the living embodiment of greaser-cool* Hey.  
  
BLINK: Hey, we ain't seen ya all summer! Where ya been?  
  
SPOT: *adjusts collar* I was workin', which is more than any a youse kids can say... sellin' papes.  
  
RACE: *mockingly* Nice job!  
  
SPOT: Eat me! *whaps RACE* I'm savin' up ta buy me some wheels.  
  
((T-BOIDS react in awe.))  
  
MUSH: Hey... hey, Spot? Wanna hear what I did with Sapphy all summer?  
  
SPOT: *automatically* No.  
  
MUSH: *shuts up*  
  
BLINK: Hey look! It's Jack! *Three Stooges "woob-woob-woob" noise*  
  
((JACK, every bit as cool as SPOT, turns around, a nicotine and tar-loaded cigarette hanging out of his smirking mouth. DA T-BOIDS pounce on him.))  
  
MUSH: Jack! How's it goin'? Spent all yer time at the beach again?  
  
JACK: Yeah... hangin' at the beach, y'know... *grin* YOU know...  
  
SPOT: Hey, yeah... *to JACK* So how WAS da action at da beach? Was it... y'know... *knowing smirk*  
  
JACK: *with perfect greaser swagger* Oh, it was flippin'.  
  
SPOT: *eagerly* Was it crazy?  
  
JACK: Yeah... well, I met this one chick. She was sorta cool.  
  
RACE: *one-track mind* Ya mean she puts out? *grins* Gotta love my Mayo...  
  
JACK: *rolls eyes* C'mon, Race! That all ya think about?  
  
RACE: *flips up his collar* Freakin' "A"!!  
  
BLINK: *pondering* Ya think Hope would let me ask her out?...  
  
T-BOIDS: No.  
  
BLINK: Jus' thought I'd ask!  
  
((Bell rings. Cut to DA PINK LADIES: RAVEN, MAYO, and HOPE. All are dressed in their trademark pink jackets, sauntering out of their pink clunker.))  
  
RAVEN: *the unofficial leader of Da Pink Ladies, her voice oozing with sarcasm* Well, here we are again.  
  
MAYO: *clutches books eagerly* Yeah, but this time, we're seniors!  
  
RAVEN: *smirks* An' we're gonna rule the school!!   
  
((HOPE is munching on an Oreo gleefully.))  
  
MAYO: *rolls eyes* Hope, that is SO adolescent!  
  
HOPE: *grinning* But we ARE adolescents!!  
  
RAVEN: We don't gotta flaunt it! *sighs* C'mon, girls... let's go get 'em.  
  
((Cut to SAPPHY, the fourth Pink Lady and arguably the cutest of the four. She is followed by STAGEY, who looks positively virginal in her modest blouse and skirt.))  
  
STAGEY: *winces* Do I really look okay, Sapphy?  
  
SAPPHY: *earnestly* Aw, sure. Ya look great!  
  
STAGEY: *still pouting over Jack*  
  
SAPPHY: *eyes narrow* Whatsa matter?  
  
STAGEY: Heartbreak...  
  
SAPPHY: *trying to throw some humor in the situation* Why, ya got psoriasis?  
  
((SAPPHY grins, hoping STAGEY gets the joke, only to have it go over her heartbroken head.))  
  
SAPPHY: *pats STAGEY on the back* It's all right... you'll do fine here at Rydell! C'mon...  
  
((They go inside. Cut back to T-BOIDS, loitering in the halls, not about to go to class.))  
  
RACE: *complaining about his schedule* Sheez! Every teacher I got this year's flunked me at least once!  
  
MUSH: *combing his hair* Well, if ya don't watch yer step, you'll be spendin' all your time in Larkson's office.  
  
RACE: Oh yeah? Well, she'll wish she never seen me this year!  
  
BLINK: Why's that?  
  
RACE: *proudly* 'Cause I jus' ain't gonna take any of her crap, that's all! I don't take no crap from nobody!  
  
((MS. LARKSON, the principal, almost magically appears in the hallway. RACE shuts up immediately.))  
  
MEDDA: Mister Higgins!  
  
RACE: *meekly* Yes ma'am!  
  
MEDDA: Aren't you supposed to be in homeroom right now?  
  
RACE: I was, uh... jus' goin' for a walk!  
  
MEDDA: *knowingly* You were just dawdling, weren't you?  
  
RACE: *under his breath* Yes ma'am...  
  
MEDDA: That isn't the way to start off the new school year, is it Mr. Higgins?  
  
RACE: *muttering Italian curses under his breath*  
  
MEDDA: Perhaps a session of banging erasers after school will change your mind! Now move!! *walks off*  
  
RACE: *scowling*  
  
JACK: *snickering* I'm sure glad ya didn't take none of her crap, Race! You woulda really told 'er off, huh?  
  
RACE: Shaddap, Kelly!  
  
((DAVEY, the living embodiment of all that you DON'T want to be in high school, approaches.))  
  
DAVEY: *nasally* Heya fellas!!  
  
SPOT: Aw, Davey! Here... shake, buddy!  
  
DAVEY: *reacts to the hand buzzer* Hey! That ain't right!  
  
JACK: *snickers* Whatta loser.  
  
DAVEY: Huh?  
  
RACE: Nothin'... get ta class!!  
  
DAVEY: *hastily* Yessir!! *dashes away*  
  
((Cut to later in the school day... lunchtime. DA PINK LADIES are seated at their usual lunch table, munching selectively at their food.))  
  
HOPE: Hey, did ya get a look at Kelly this morning? Lookin' pretty good this year, huh Rave? *raises her eyebrows tantalizingly*  
  
RAVEN: *pretending not to care* That's ancient history!  
  
MAYO: *smirks* Well, history sometimes repeats himself. Hey, Sapphy!  
  
((SAPPHY, grinning broadly, joins DA PINK LADIES, again, followed by a nervous STAGEY.))  
  
SAPPHY: *sits down* Hey girls! Uh, this here is Stagey! *as though the next fact was the coolest thing in the world* She jus' moved here from Virginia!  
  
RAVEN: Huh, the South! How're things "down under"? *smirking superiorly*  
  
STAGEY: *thinks Raven's trying to be nice* Oh! Fine, thanks!  
  
((A loud, obnoxious voice erupts through the lunchroom. It's CANARIE SIMCOX, making her way DA PINK LADIES.))  
  
RAVEN: *grinning and bearing it* Canarie Simcox, the bad seed of Rydell High-- *to Canarie* Hi!  
  
CANARIE: *full of emotion* Aw... I just LOVE the first day of school, don't you??  
  
HOPE: *makes her fingers into a gun shape and points it to her head*  
  
CANARIE: *notices STAGEY* Oh! You must think I'm a terrible clod for not introducing myself to your friend!! Hi, I'm Canarie Simcox!! *prepares to sit down* Welcome to Rydell-- OH! *jumps up suddenly, her poodle skirt having been violated by an apple core*  
  
HOPE: Was lookin' for that! *munches on it*  
  
CANARIE: *eagerly, to STAGEY* Well, hope you'll be at cheerleading tryouts! We'll have so much fun and get to be lifelong friends!...  
  
((CANARIE continues to bombard STAGEY with more effervesence than four packs of Alka-Seltzer. SAPPHY covers her mouth, whispering to DA PINK LADIES.))  
  
SAPPHY: Hey, guys... ya think that we could let Stagey inta the Pink Ladies?  
  
RAVEN: *frowns at STAGEY, who is being quite Mary Sue-ish* She looks too pure to be pink.  
  
SAPPHY: *shrugs and returns to her "macaroni"*  
  
((DA T-BOIDS are busy munching away on their own food up on the football bleachers, away from everything and where, of course, they can make fun of the jocks below.))  
  
RACE: 'Ey, Spot? Wanna bite of my salami?  
  
SPOT: *nonchalantly* You kiddin'? If I eat that, I'll smell like you.  
  
RACE: *growls*  
  
MUSH: *watches, amused, as BLINK is trying to look up some girls' skirts... turns to the others* Watch this... *yells to BLINK, blowing his cover* 'EY!  
  
((BLINK'S victims gasp and dash away, blushing like summer apples. BLINK readjusts his eyepatch, waving to them.))  
  
BLINK: Hi, girls!! *beaming*  
  
MUSH: *grins, squirts BLINK with a water gun* You'se a sick fella, Blink!  
  
RACE: Hey, I wanna hear what Jack did at the beach!  
  
T-BOIDS: Yeah... *crowd in around Jack*  
  
JACK: *trying to make this as much like locker room talk as he can* Aw, you don't wanna hear all the horny details!  
  
((Cut to PINK LADIES, still at lunch.))  
  
SAPPHY: So hey, Stagey... what'd ya do this summer?  
  
STAGEY: *chews lower lip and smiles* I spent most of it at the beach... *as if this was a mortal sin* I met a boy there... *blushes*  
  
RAVEN: *not taking her eyes off of her fingernails* Ya mean to tell me you blew all your cookies to go to the beach, all over some lousy guy?...  
  
STAGEY: *earnestly* Well, he was special...  
  
MAYO: *rolls her eyes* Sure.  
  
STAGEY: *knowing that SAPPHY is at least interested, talks to her* He was so romantic...  
  
((What happens next is a conveniently non-copyright-infringing number where STAGEY drones on and on about this Romeo she met at the beach. JACK is telling his friends about the hot chick that let him make out with her under the docks...))  
  
SPOT: *perks up* The DOCKS, ya said? Like, Brooklyn?  
  
JACK: *exasperated* No, you bonehead! Now, lemme finish... *commences to sing the end*  
  
((DA PINK LADIES are now done with lunch and headed to their next class.))  
  
HOPE: *clutches her heart* Aw, Stagey! That sounds so wonderfully romantic!!  
  
STAGEY: Yeah, it was...  
  
MAYO: *is disgusted* Psh. He didn't lay a finger on ya?  
  
STAGEY: Well, er-- no...  
  
MAYO: *sing-song* Cree-eep! *Smugly* I always make sure Race gets what he wants.  
  
HOPE: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.  
  
SAPPHY: So, what was his name?  
  
STAGEY: Oh! Jack... Jack Kelly...  
  
((This causes DA PINK LADIES to laugh uncontrollably at the irony. RAVEN gives them an "if-looks-could-kill" glare and turns to STAGEY with a bittersweet smirk.))  
  
RAVEN: *voice dripping with sarcasm* Well, I personally think he sounds like a real sweetheart. Peachy keen, even. And--oh, who knows? Maybe if you believe hard enough, Prince Charming will show up again someday. Someplace... unexpected. *icily mean smile* See ya later... come on, girls!  
  
STAGEY: *turns to SAPPHY hopefully* Oh, Sapphy! Do you really think that could happen?  
  
SAPPHY: *not wanting to be as bitchy as her comrades* Oh, sure! *genuine, guilty smile* Uh... Stagey... we should probably get to class...  
  
STAGEY: Um... okay...  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well, that's all for now, kids! Not like you don't know how "Grease" goes... but stay tuned for the next installment! In which our two lovers will be reunited... bitterly, but reunited! Hey, it's "Grease"! Let it go!! And please review!!! Thankies so much!! =) 


	2. Love is NOT a Many Splendored Thing

Wahoo!! You guys actually like the fic!! And so (because apparently this works very well with Sapphy's fics... *waves wildly to Sapphy*), I'm gonna do some shout-outs to the lovely folks that have decided to review my story... in hopes that someday, I'll get as many reviews as Sapphy! *Wink*  
  
Here they are... sorted by who sent me reviews first:  
  
DAKKI: Yes... Blink is a real pervert! Shame on him!! (And shame on Putzie for having the nerve to do it in the movie!) Anyhoo... glad you like the ficcie, babe! Love you lots! Yummy... Jack in leather... *stupid grin*  
  
SAPPHY: *Glomps* My darling!!! Yes, Davey is just ASKIN' to be Eugene... I mean, look at him! LOL Oh. And Sarah's Cha-Cha because she's gotta be the witch! (With a capital "B")... Yes. *Feels loved that I'm only YOUR friend* Must... breathe... *is getting suffocated* Aw m'dear, I love you ta bits 'n' pieces!! =)  
  
BRAIDS: Yes ma'am! "Grease" is just about the greatest movie musical! (Except for "Newsies," of course!) Thankies much for likin' it!! Please send me some more reviews! *hugs*  
  
KAYLEE: *Hangs head in shame* Yeah, I'm an idiot for using the whole script practically... How original, right? Well, I can assure you that it'll get better as the story progresses! I promise! Augh, please don't hurt me!! *hides*  
  
ZIPPY: *Feels incredibly loved* Thank yew!! *Makes a sweeping curtsy in response to Zippy's applause* Sheez, I had NO idea that no one else had done one! I mean, it's so obvious... I would have thought that this idea woulda been taken YEARS ago! But thanks so much for likin' it!  
  
BROWNIE: Heehee... *hint-hint nudge-nudge* Aw, glad you like the ficcie!! I think I adapted it pretty well if I do say so myself! *shines nails on shirt*  
  
CHELSEA: Yay for Denton being Vince! I know I was totally laughing my pants off! Because you can totally see it too! Him flirting with Marty... Ha!!! But he can't come up in the story for awhile yet... *sniffle* But it'll be friggin' great when he does!!  
  
LET: Hey, babe!! Yes, I'm quite proud of the side comments. At least THAT'S original! Heehee! Stagey is SO "virginal." Ha! *Giggles because Canarie's skirt was "violated" by an apple core... Love you bunches, darling!  
  
JULI: Yeah, I know! I was TOTALLY thinkin' of making Crutchy Eugene in the fic... but I was like, "Hmm... no, I LIKE Crutchy. He can't be Eugene!" Heehee! Besides, there's so much to make fun of with Davey... I could never make fun of Crutchy! He's so lovely! =)  
  
*Blushes intensely* You like me... You really, really like me!! Well, hopefully this'll give you goils some motivation to review my stuff! In ANY case... Chapter Two!! Here it is!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
CHAPTER TWO- LOVE IS NOT A MANY SPLENDORED THING  
  
((A few days later... at the Rydell Pep Rally. DA PINK LADIES are sauntering to the field.))  
  
MAYO: Why are we doin' this again...?  
  
RAVEN: *lighting up a cigarette* You got me.  
  
HOPE: Anyone got a quarter? I wanna get some chow...  
  
SAPPHY: Aw, guys! We're comin' to support Stagey!  
  
RAVEN: *rolls her eyes* Right... sure. She's SUCH a goody two-shoes.  
  
MAYO: *smirks* And a cheerleader, besides. Hey, look... here they come! *imitates boob-shaking as the cheer squad runs out on the field*  
  
((STAGEY is clearly visible, trying her best to keep up with the squad. She's next to CANARIE, who's undertaking the motions with complete passion and excitement. STAGEY kind of falls into a split and looks a little dazed.))  
  
RAVEN: *snickers as she exhales a puff of smoke* Fascinating...  
  
SAPPHY: *frowns* C'mon, girls... be nice, huh? Stagey ain't got it easy! She's new an' everything...  
  
MAYO: I can't believe she hasn't picked up on the fact that her li'l boyfriend is at Rydell.  
  
HOPE: *nods* I mean, c'mon!  
  
RAVEN: *lightbulb* I got an idea... C'mon, girls. *leads them away from the field*  
  
((DA T-BOIDS aren't too far behind, parked on the edge of the field, acting like a bunch of escaped monkeys, as usual. BLINK and MUSH are twirling around in circles, linking arms with RACE-- the epitome of the Three Stooges.))  
  
JACK: *trying to be as James Dean as he can, has a cigarette hanging limply out of his mouth* Guys... *pause* Be cool, all right?  
  
SPOT: *scanning the "territory"* Hey... look over there. *indicates a speeding black car with flames on the side* What's da Delanceys doin' here? Dis ain't their turf!  
  
MUSH: *brandishes water gun, like that's actually going to help anything* Think they wanna rumble?  
  
((OSCAR DELANCEY speeds by just long enough to flick them off and burns rubber.))  
  
JACK: *grunts* Punk!  
  
BLINK: *squints* Yeah, we'll get 'em...  
  
((Cut to STAGEY, who is being bombarded by DA PINK LADIES nearby.))  
  
SAPPHY: *grinning broadly* Stagey!  
  
STAGEY: *brightens* Sapphy! You came to see me!  
  
SAPPHY: *in her cutest-Pink-Lady manner* Aw, well sure we did!  
  
STAGEY: *laughs* Well, I really messed up... *turns to the other LADIES* Oh! Hi, Rave... hi, girls.  
  
HOPE: *smiles* Hello!  
  
RAVEN: *not sounding excited at all* We gotta surprise for ya, Stagey.  
  
STAGEY: *eyes a-twinkling* Really? A surprise? For me?  
  
MAYO: *brightly* Yup! Come on... *guides her to the T-BOIDS' hangout, concealing her from JACK'S view*  
  
SPOT: *nods briefly to RAVEN* Whaddya say, Rave?  
  
RAVEN: *takes some time to look at SPOT, but turns to JACK* 'Ey, Kelly... gotta surprise for ya...  
  
JACK: Oh yeah?  
  
RAVEN: Yeah. *pulls STAGEY in front of him*  
  
JACK: *eyes bug out in disbelief* Stagey!!  
  
STAGEY: Jack?! *big smile*  
  
JACK: Wha-- what're ya doin' here? I thought ya had to go back to Virginia!  
  
STAGEY: *still in disbelief* We had a change of plans!  
  
JACK: Aw, that's great! *turns to the other BOIDS, who are looking at him like he's an idiot* I mean... uh... *tries to be cool again* That's cool, doll-face!  
  
STAGEY: *blinks* "Doll-face"? What's gotten into you, Jack?  
  
JACK: That's my name, don't wear it out! *smirks*  
  
STAGEY: *is hurt* Jack...? What's wrong? Where's the Jack Kelly that I met at the beach?  
  
JACK: Now look 'ere, doll-face, I ain't gotta answer nothin' that I don't wanna! *smirks back at the BOIDS to prove that he's still all manly*  
  
STAGEY: *is now near tears* You're a fake... and a phony! And I wish I never laid eyes on you! *throws down her pom-poms angrily and storms off*  
  
((T-BOIDS all "Oooh" sarcastically and laugh amongst themselves. JACK looks noticeably remorseful. He locks eyes with RAVEN who grins all triumphantly. SAPPHY goes to find STAGEY, because that's what friends do!))  
  
SAPPHY: Stagey... I'm sorry, babe... *pats her on the back*  
  
STAGEY: *sniffles* He was so nice to me! What happened?  
  
SAPPHY: *frowns* Men are lousy! Who needs 'em? *pulls STAGEY around to face her* You know what'd do you some good? I'm gonna have a sleepover at my house tonight... wanna come?  
  
STAGEY: That'd be nice...  
  
SAPPHY: *smiles* Good! Now c'mon... we can drown our sorrows and plot to destroy all mankind!  
  
STAGEY: *can't help but laugh*  
  
((Cut to SAPPHY'S house. DA PINK LADIES are all over there, clad in their PJs and doing their nails and other things... HOPE is imitating the Ipana beaver guy until she's pelted with a stuffed animal.))  
  
MAYO: *to STAGEY* Wanna see some of my boyfriends? *grins, displaying her wallet filled with about thirty guys*  
  
STAGEY: *silently nods* Hmm...  
  
RAVEN: Oh! Hey! *pulls out a brown paper bag, containing some cheap-o wine from the convenience store* Take it down an' pass it around, girls!  
  
HOPE: *grabs the bottle and drinks from it* Mmm! *hands it to MAYO, who drinks some and prepares to give some to SAPPHY*  
  
RAVEN: You forgot Stagey! *smirks at her* C'mon, honey... have a li'l sip!  
  
STAGEY: *reluctantly takes a swig and makes a face*  
  
RAVEN: Sheez, I need a smoke! *digs in her bag and pulls out a few cigarettes, passes them around* Here, Stagey.  
  
STAGEY: Uh... *trying to not give in to such peer pressure* No thanks. I don't smoke.  
  
MAYO: *Snorts a laugh*  
  
SAPPHY: *Pounces next to STAGEY* Hey, Stagey... would you like me to pierce your ears for you?  
  
STAGEY: *Swallows reluctantly* Um... does it hurt?  
  
SAPPHY: Only a little! You can trust me, though. I'm gonna be a beautician someday soon! But uh... we'd better go into the bathroom. My parents wouldn't like blood stains on the rug...  
  
STAGEY: *eyes bug out* What?  
  
SAPPHY: Oh, it only bleeds for a little bit! *drags her into the bathroom*  
  
RAVEN: *rolls eyes* God, that little goody-goody makes me sick! *takes another drag from her cigarette*  
  
SAPPHY: *sticks her head out of the bathroom door* Aw man... she just threw up!  
  
HOPE: *raises eyebrows* Well, that clinches it. You're never touching MY ears.  
  
RAVEN: *rolls her eyes*  
  
((RAVEN proceeds to prance around in one of SAPPHY'S wigs, making a very comical impression of the virginal, conservative, and all-around Mary Sue-ish STAGEY. A few moments later, STAGEY emerges from the bathroom, looking considerably paler. She squints at RAVEN sadly.))  
  
STAGEY: Raven... are you making fun of me?  
  
RAVEN: *whips off the wig* Some people are so touchy!  
  
((Cut to outside of SAPPHY'S house. DA T-BOIDS are driving along the road in search of the girls. They come to a squeaky stop right outside.))  
  
JACK: *wincing* Do we gotta do this?  
  
SPOT: *snickers* Ah, sure! We like watchin' you suffer!  
  
RACE: 'Ey, Blink! Go call 'er!  
  
BLINK: *strikes Shakespearean pose* Oh, Stagey! Wherefore art thou Stagey!!  
  
JACK: *pulls him down* Keep it up an' I'll tell Hope you wanna ask her out!  
  
BLINK: *shuts up*  
  
RACE: *standing on tiptoe from the back seat* Ya see 'em in there? *grins* Wonder if Mayo's in her PJs...  
  
MUSH: Oooh... *tries to get a better look as well* Sapphy!! Hey Sapphy!!!  
  
SAPPHY: *appears in the window* Oh, sweet Jesus!! What're you doing here?  
  
MUSH: I missed you?  
  
SAPPHY: Nice try! You guys aren't gonna come up here, are you?  
  
RACE: *grins, to the others* Say, that ain't a bad idea...   
  
SAPPHY: Aw man!! *turns frantically to the LADIES* They can't come up here! My folks'll flip!!  
  
MAYO: *stands behind SAPPHY, waves to RACE* Race!! Yoo hoo!!  
  
RACE: YES!! SHE'S IN A LACE NIGHTIE!! Thank you, God!!  
  
MAYO: EEK! *covers up immediately*  
  
BLINK: *upon seeing HOPE in her sweatpants* Mmm... sweats. Kinda sexy...  
  
HOPE: Ohhh my God. *hides face behind a magazine*  
  
SPOT: *calling up* Where's Stagey at? Jack wants ta talk to 'er!!  
  
STAGEY: *turning a deep shade of red, shakes head fervently at DA LADIES*  
  
SAPPHY: *trying to save STAGEY'S ass* She ain't here!!  
  
JACK: *a little hurt* She ain't?...  
  
RAVEN: *who is, by now, growing disgusted with all of this squealy-girl mess* All right... shove over!  
  
SAPPHY: What the...? *shuffles out of the way* What's she gonna do, shimmy down the drainpipe?  
  
RAVEN: *hops on the lawn*  
  
MUSH: Sheez, Rave! We didn't want YOU!  
  
SPOT: *eyes flashing angrily* Shut up, Mush!  
  
RAVEN: *grins flirtatiously at SPOT* What's up, Spot?  
  
SPOT: One guess. *raises eyebrows suggestively*  
  
BLINK: *eyes wide* Holy crap... that's it! All dis sexual innuendo is too much for me! C'mon, fellas, let's go get a slice of pizza! *leaves with RACE and MUSH*  
  
RAVEN: What about you, Jack?  
  
JACK: *glares at her* You got somethin' to do with all this Stagey business, don't you?  
  
RAVEN: *crosses arms* So what if I did?  
  
JACK: *is disgusted* That's it. I'm outta here. *runs after DA T-BOIDS*  
  
SPOT: An' good riddance. *smirks to RAVEN* Your chariot, m'lady...  
  
RAVEN: *grins triumphantly and hops in the car with SPOT and they burn rubber down the road*  
  
((Cut to Lovers' Lane. There are couples making out and screwing each other senseless... and SPOT and RAVEN are no different.))  
  
SPOT: *pulls away from makeout session, reaches for his "protection"* Ohhh man... *fumbles around for it*  
  
RAVEN: *blinks* What? You lost it?  
  
SPOT: Yeah... *slumps against the side of the car angrily*  
  
((A pause.))  
  
RAVEN: What the hell. *tackles SPOT*  
  
((Suddenly, a jolt sends the clunker shaking. It's OSCAR DELANCEY and his main squeeze SARAH JACOBS. The fender from SPOT'S car falls to the ground.))  
  
SPOT: *angrily* You're gonna pay for that!!  
  
OSCAR: *smirking* Oh sure, pal... I'll give ya seventy-five cents for the whole car... INCLUDING your chick!  
  
RAVEN: *is disgusted*  
  
OSCAR: *throws his arm around SARAH and speeds away*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yes, love is NOT a many splendored thing... no matter WHO you are! *frown*  
  
Well, you know what to do! Send me a review, babies!! Thanks much!  
  
Comin' up next chappie: Stagey gets a new man, Spot and Rave face some issues, and Sapphy gets some guidance from a certain fan-spinning angel... plus much, much more!! =) 


	3. Angsty Love and Fan Spinning Angels

Wheehee!!  
  
BUMLETS: *does fan-spin*  
  
Ah... beautiful. What's even MORE beautiful is that I have the next chappie up! *smiles eagerly* But, before we resume our regularly scheduled chappie, I present to you some more shout outs!! Woot!!  
  
~LET: Yay for destoyin' all mankind!! *shines nails on shirt* Yep, I thought that was a particularly nice touch...  
  
~ZIPPY: *salutes* Yes ma'am! I'm updating!! Right now as a matter of fact... heh, what are the odds? =)  
  
~RAVEN: Yes, yes, yes... the pure, unadulterated smut-ness of you in the car with Spot!! *laughs all evilly* I am so very scarred for life after all this... *looks for a good therapist*  
  
~EVENSTAR: *Huggles* Hey, baby! Yeah, I watched "Grease" right after I started writing the fic... 'twas very great! I really reccomend that to anyone! It's so funny, picturing our boys in leather and greaser-do's... *grins*  
  
~DAKKI: *sighs* Yes, I know... love IS like oxygen... *hums the rest of "Elephant Love Medley" to herself... envisions Jack as Christian...* GAH! I never thought of that!! Jack... Christian... WOOT!  
  
~CHELSEA: Oh. My. God. I love the fact that you love me! Or my story, anyway... gah. *smiles stupidly* Yes, Denton is SO the true Vince Fontaine... but I think I said that already... *coughs*  
  
~BROWNIE: *rubs hands* I know!! I can't wait until we get Bumlets in here! Which is actually gonna be... *checks* THIS chapter!! *is so excited now* It's your lucky day, sunshine... =)  
  
~SAPPHY: *Great Big Massive Huggles* Thank you for defending my honor with a Super Soaker, darling! I love you even more now... Yummy, Jack looks friggin' HOT when he's all wet... DO IT AGAIN! Ha ha! Oh. And Mush wants to challenge you to a water gun duel... *shrugs* I jus' deliver the messages!  
  
~KAYLEE: Yeah, er... sorry about that! *frowns* Don't worry, you weren't bein' nasty! *smiles* I was... kinda. Aw, let's just skip it, shall we? *smile* Thankies again for readin', sweets! Oh, and I know Race is yours... he sure belongs to a lot of you, doesn't he? Hmm.  
  
~FIFI: *tries to visualize socks being rocked HARDCORE* Interesting... *strokes chin thoughtfully* And... SURPRISE!! This is an update! So get readin', baby love!! *smile*  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
CHAPTER THREE- ANGSTY LOVE AND FAN-SPINNING ANGELS...  
  
((It's a few weeks later. Scene? Tibby's. I mean, where else? There were no Frosty Palaces in Newsie-land! Augh, just skip it. Anyway, here we are at Tibby's, the chief hangout of DA PINK LADIES, DA T-BOIDS, and, well, whoever else happens to come along. So, what is STAGEY up to now that JACK broke her heart? Well, let's just see...))  
  
STAGEY: *sitting all alone at a booth, looks longingly at JACK across the room* What a jerk...  
  
((SKITTERY, THE UBER JOCK, enters conveniently, kind of falling into the booth.))  
  
SKITTERY: Uh... whoops. *dusts himself off*  
  
STAGEY: *with a sudden urge to get her butt on the rebound* Hey, you're cute...  
  
SKITTERY: You serious? *is all excited*  
  
STAGEY: Wanna go out?  
  
SKITTERY: Yeah, okay... *smiles stupidly*  
  
((Jeez, that was quick. Reminds me of the ol' kindergarten days...))  
  
JACK: *sees the goings-on* Hey... look over there.  
  
RACE: Look, Stagey got herself another chump!  
  
BLINK: *snickers*  
  
MUSH: You sure are screwed, Jack! She jus' dumped you for a jock! *dies laughing*  
  
JACK: Shuddup!! *turns to SPOT* What do you think, Spot?  
  
SPOT: Can't you see that I'm a li'l BUSY, Jack?... *resumes sucking face with RAVEN*  
  
RAVEN: *sitting in SPOT's lap, giggles to herself*  
  
((JACK watches STAGEY and SKITTERY intently, and he decides to go over there... but he's stopped by CANARIE SIMCOX, a girl who's always prepared to use her feminine wiles to get the man she wants.))  
  
CANARIE: *with her perky smile* Heyyy Jack... *throws arms around him*  
  
JACK: *trying to wriggle free like a boa constrictor's victim* Uh... I can't talk.  
  
CANARIE: Aw... why not? Not goin' after that Stagey again, are you? She won't want you back! After all, you DID completely humiliate her at the game a while back.  
  
JACK: How did you know that?  
  
CANARIE: *shrugs* G.B.N.  
  
JACK: *is obviously oblivious*  
  
CANARIE: *spells it out for him* Girls' Bathroom Network.  
  
JACK: *walks away* Look, I gotta go...  
  
CANARIE: *calling after him desperately* Call me!  
  
((Meanwhile... MAYO and HOPE are sitting at a booth near the BOIDS, doing the usual girly chat...))  
  
MAYO: *checks her watch* Where's Sapphy?  
  
HOPE: I don't know... Sheesh. I wish she hadn't dropped out of Rydell... Jus' between you an' me, she doesn't make a good beauty school student.  
  
SAPPHY: *rushes in* Oh my gosh!! I'm sorry, girls! I had to clean up after manicuring class... My nails still smell like varnish. *sniffs them*  
  
MAYO: Sapphy... c'mon, we miss you!  
  
HOPE: Yeah. Come back to Rydell!  
  
SAPPHY: C'mon, girls! I told you this a zillion times! I don't wanna go back! Beauty school is, um... a good direction for me.  
  
MUSH: *slides in all of a sudden* Then why is your hair blue?  
  
((Suddenly, everyone finally notices that "something different" about SAPPHY: Her hair fits her name... tinted like peacock-blue ink.))  
  
SAPPHY: Well... y'know. I jus' had some trouble in tinting class...  
  
MAYO: *rolls her eyes* Sure, sure... *turns to RACE* Hey! Where's my escort?  
  
RACE: *darts in* I'm comin'!! *snags her hand* Come on, luscious, let's blow this joint!  
  
MAYO: *is pleasantly surprised* Right-o! Later, girls! An' Sapphy? *shakes her head* Get that hair under control!  
  
HOPE: 'Bye, Mayo! *looks wistfully as MAYO and RACE leave*  
  
BLINK: *figures that this is as good an oppportunity as any... clears his throat* Uh, Hope?...  
  
HOPE: *turns around* Yeah, what?  
  
BLINK: *gets it all over with* I-think-you're-wonderful-will-you-please-my-girlfriend?  
  
HOPE: *eyes narrow* Okay... WHAT, now?  
  
BLINK: I love you!! *clamps mouth shut* Holy crap...  
  
HOPE: Oh my God!! I love you, too!! *takes his arm and whisks him out the door*  
  
((Cut to SPOT and RAVEN, who are seriously making a scene.))  
  
SPOT: *pulls away* You ain't kissin' back no more!  
  
RAVEN: *sighs* Jesus, Spot! We've only been doin' this for two and-a-half hours straight! Can't we get something to eat... or move to the next level... or SOMETHING?  
  
SPOT: What'sa matter, wit' you, Rave? You got the personality of a wet mop!  
  
RAVEN: Hey, look buddy boy, don't you pull that crap with me, okay?  
  
SPOT: I gotta good mind to finish with you, you know that? *gives the ol' eyeball to a girl passing by*  
  
GIRL: Teehee!!  
  
RAVEN: You little... *can't think of a word bad enough to call Spot* ERGH!! *tosses her soda in his face and walks away* Get out of my way, Conlon!  
  
SPOT: *chases after her frantically* RAVEN! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!  
  
((And we're back to STAGEY, trying desperately to look entertained with SKITTERY, her new boyfriend...))  
  
SKITTERY: ...So anyway, I said to the guy: "That's no llama! That's my algebra book!" HA HA HA HA HA!!!!  
  
STAGEY: *smiles, laughs nice and loud to make Jack pissed off* You're so funny, Skits...  
  
SKITTERY: *beams* She called me Skits!  
  
STAGEY: Hey, can I get a nickel for the jukebox?  
  
SKITTERY: *digs around in his pocket and hands her one* Anything for you, sweetie!  
  
STAGEY: *smiles* Thanks. *goes over to the jukebox, where, conveniently enough, JACK is lounging*  
  
JACK: *composes himself quickly* Uh, Stagey... hey. *coughs*  
  
STAGEY: *without making eye contact* Oh. Hello.  
  
JACK: Why are you still mad at me?  
  
STAGEY: Who said I was mad at you?  
  
JACK: *indicates SKITTERY* So, what're you doin' cavortin' around with that jock strap, then?  
  
STAGEY: *rolls her eyes* That's not fair! I can see whoever I want... *like in a Lifetime movie* It's not like YOU would care anyway, right? I'm just so glad that Skittery's such a simple guy... *waves to him as he approaches*  
  
SKITTERY: *with that territorial male ape kind of thing* Are you ready to go, princess?  
  
STAGEY: Sure... *takes his arm* Goodbye, Jack.  
  
JACK: Stagey! Come on!! *growls, punching the jukebox* 'Ey, Mush! I wanna get out of here! Let's go get somethin' to eat... I'm hungry!  
  
MUSH: *puzzled* But Jack... we're IN a restaurant...  
  
JACK: Mush!! Did I ASK for your opinion?!  
  
MUSH: *smiles at his sapphire-haired girlfriend* Guess that's my cue to leave... *kisses her cheek* You wanna come with us?  
  
SAPPHY: *absent-mindedly* Ah, no thanks... I think I'll stay here for awhile.  
  
MUSH: But it's all empty now...  
  
SAPPHY: I'll. Be. Okay! *smiles* Go on, now!!  
  
((As MUSH leaves with a very pissed-off JACK, SAPPHY is all alone at Tibby's. She decides that now is as good a time as any to exercise some praying skills...))  
  
SAPPHY: *like a little kid* Okay... so God? Or whoever's up there... *sighs* I don't know if I'm cut out for bein' a beauty school student. You think that if you ain't too busy, you could send me some kinda sign? *pauses* Yeah. Okay. Thank yew!  
  
((She prepares to get up, when all of a sudden, the room gets all disco-looking. The ceiling fan is sent into wild motion by an initially invisible force. Then we see BUMLETS spinning gleefully on the fan as he gradually materializes. SAPPHY is, needless to say, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at the sight.))  
  
BUMLETS: *hops down from the fan* Heya, sweetie!  
  
SAPPHY: *squeaks* You talkin' to ME?...  
  
BUMLETS: Of course! I'm your guardian angel! *demonstrates his unearthly glorious self*  
  
SAPPHY: So, er... what are you here for, anyway?  
  
BUMLETS: Didn't you call for a sign? *checks the order form* Yep... you sure did.  
  
SAPPHY: *looks up at the sky* Now that's what I call service!  
  
BUMLETS: So, Sapphy... seems like you gotta problem. This whole beauty school thing... *snickers as he finally takes notice of SAPPHY's bizarrely blue 'do* Nice hair, sweetie...  
  
SAPPHY: *is hurt* Hey! I can't help it! I just suck at tinting, that's all!  
  
BUMLETS: *with arms folded* Well that should tell you something, right?  
  
SAPPHY: Huh?  
  
BUMLETS: *rolls eyes* Ah, okay baby, I'll spell it out for you: Your friends all love you! They don't want you becomin' no hair-cuttin' floozie! Besides which, you really suck at it. You almost made Stagey bleed to death when you tried piercin' her ears.  
  
SAPPHY: Hmm... wow. *finally gets her epiphany* You're right!  
  
BUMLETS: Always am! That's why I have this job! *smiles broadly* So, you're all set then?  
  
SAPPHY: *shrugs* Sure... Oh! One more thing before you go?  
  
BUMLETS: Yes? *turns around*  
  
SAPPHY: Can I get some glass slippers an' go to the ball an' meet Prince Charming an' live happily ever after?  
  
BUMLETS: Do I LOOK like a fairy godmother to you?! *under his breath* It was my last job... so sue me already!  
  
SAPPHY: *snickers* Ha ha... you were a fairy godmother!!  
  
BUMLETS: *rolls eyes* Okay. Well, look, I got more kids with problems, so you need anythin' else? For real?  
  
SAPPHY: Er... no...  
  
BUMLETS: *singing like the guy in "Grease"* Gotta be headin' to that malt shop in... the... sky... *twirls on the overhead fan until he gradually disappears*  
  
SAPPHY: *pats heart* I think I'm in love...  
  
MUSH: *tapping on the glass from outside* Sapphy? Who are you talkin' to in there?  
  
SAPPHY: *all evasively* Uh... NO one!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
*Takes a bow* Well, there it is, the THIRD installment of "Greased Newsies"! Sorry it took so bloody long to do, by the way. I should be more 'chop-chop' after all my college admissions stuff is over and done with, which should be soon! PLEASE REVIEW, kids!! Thanks SO much!  
  
Comin' up next chappie... Sapphy comes back to Rydell, Raven gets even with Spot, "the biggest thing to happen to Rydell High," and, of course, the ongoing Jack 'n' Stagey saga! Stay tuned to "Greased Newsies" for the next installment... coming soon!! 


	4. The Biggest Thing to Happen to Rydell Hi...

Woot! Guys! *hugs all around* I'm back! *curtsy* And to kick off the chapter that EVERYONE'S been waiting for... here are some more shout-outs! =)  
  
*sprinkles fairy dust as we travel to the magical world of shout-outs*  
  
SAGE~ Gaaah!! Christian Bale... in a leather jacket... *dies* You must send that to me, darling!!  
  
ZIPPY~ *is outrageously flattered* Wow... I can't believe it!! I'm actually a good writer! *gets out the Ruffles and onion dip* This calls for a celebration!  
  
SAPPHY~ Baby love! I MISS YOU!!! *pounces* Sadly, Bumlets has more troubled children to visit... but you can have Mush! He may not spin on a fan, but he looks friggin' HOT with no shirt! *wink*  
  
CHELSEA~ "Best 7 out of 10?" "YER DAMN RIGHT!" Ahhhh! I LOVE "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey"! The first one kicks butt too... *sends a Ziggy Pig to Chelsea*  
  
DAKKI~ *staggers* I'm your hero?? Wow. Must get some more party food! This is SO a good day for me!  
  
RAVEN~ Ohhh yeah, you're gettin' a piece of the rebound action, believe you me! *wink*  
  
CANARIE~ Well... I'm glad to know you annoy yourself... *scratches head* Er, yeah. *big smile*  
  
BROWNIE~ Ah yes... Bumlets IS the dancing god... *watches her ceiling fan in hopes that he'd be there*  
  
LET~ Thanks for wishing me luck about the college mess... *sighs* The sooner that'll be over, the better! But thanks, darling!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yes! So anyway!! This chappie is the one that all of you chicas have been waiting for...   
  
Drum roll, please...  
  
MUSH: *pounds on his rock-solid chest*  
  
...THE DANCE!  
  
EVERYONE: Yay!!!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
CHAPTER THREE~ THE BIGGEST THING TO HAPPEN TO RYDELL HIGH  
  
((And we're back at Rydell... it's a few weeks later. RAVE, who is still quite pissed with SPOT, is still lookin' for some rebound action.))  
  
MAYO: *who is waiting with her* Uh, Rave? Why do I gotta wait with ya?...  
  
RAVE: 'Cause I don't wanna look desperate! *straightens up as we see OSCAR peeling down the street* Here we go... Oscar Delancey... not a bad piece of ass, if you ask me.  
  
OSCAR: *screeches tires to a halt* Heya, sweetface... You wanna stand there lookin' sexy all day or do ya wanna get in the car? *lounge-lizard wink*  
  
MAYO: *hisses to RAVE* Oh my God, Rave! Do you realize what you're doing??  
  
RAVE: What WE'RE doing! *drags a helpless MAYO into OSCAR'S car as they speed away*  
  
((Across the school, JACK is waiting like a lovesick puppy for STAGEY at her locker. SKITTERY, of course, is there first. JACK shoots him an evil glare as STAGEY comes by.))  
  
JACK: *clears throat* Uh, hi Stage--  
  
STAGEY: *walks right past him* Skits! Hi, baby! *embraces SKITTERY*  
  
SKITTERY: *pimp smile* Ohhhh yeah.  
  
JACK: She didn't even see me... *singing gloomily to himself* Cellophane, Mister Cellophane, shoulda been my name, Mister Cellophane... 'cause you can look right through me, walk right by me... and never know I'm there...  
  
SKITTERY: *with her arms around STAGEY'S neck* So, baby... got any plans this Saturday?  
  
JACK: *still singing* Never...  
  
STAGEY: *bright smile* No... *plays with his letterman jacket*  
  
JACK: *still singing* Even...  
  
SKITTERY: *with perfect jock swagger* So, wanna go to my house an' polish my trophies?  
  
JACK: *big finish approaching* Know...  
  
STAGEY: *heart sinks, but kisses his cheek just to piss JACK off* I'd love to.  
  
((As STAGEY and SKITTERY walk down the hall, JACK is left standing alone. He might as well be Amos Hart in "Chicago," hobo costume and all.))  
  
JACK: *pitiful falsetto* ... I'm there.  
  
((*sigh* Okay, kids... put away the Kleenex! Let's go to the future... say, about ten minutes. SKITTERY has peeled off down the road in his T-Bird, leaving STAGEY sitting on the sidewalk. JACK, of course, decides to take advantage of her predicament.))  
  
JACK: *clears throat* Uh... H-Hi, Stagey... *rubs the back of his neck in that cute way that makes all girls want to melt in his arms*  
  
STAGEY: *turns to face him* Jack! *realizes she sounded way too happy, composes herself* Uh, I mean... Hey.  
  
JACK: *frowns a little* So, uh... *trying to initiate some kind of pitiful conversation* That dance is Saturday...  
  
STAGEY: Uh huh...  
  
JACK: Ya goin' wid that jock strap?  
  
STAGEY: Jack... he's not a jock-strap! *looks someplace else away from him* And I'm not going with him... *sighs, looks back at him with moistened eyes* He jus' broke up with me... something about my not wanting to polish his trophies or something.  
  
((Everyone together now! Aww... Cue Super-Jack music! This is SO his call... time for him to come to the rescue!))  
  
JACK: *assumes the role of the greaser in shining leather, smiles dazzlingly* Aw, poor baby... *opens his arms* Yer Jacky's right 'ere, Stagey...  
  
STAGEY: *flies to him, not even realizing that she wanted to lose him in the first place, sniveling all pathetically* He... he *sob* ...Broke up *choke* With me!!!!  
  
JACK: *winks, thumbs-up to our audience, pimp smile* There, there... Hey, I'll take ya to the dance. I guarantee you'll have a good time with me!  
  
STAGEY: *squeaks* R-Really?  
  
JACK: Sure! *to the audience* Look at me, Ma... I'm a stud! *winks*  
  
((*sighs, rolls eyes* AND... Fade out. Fade in to the DANCE!))  
  
PIE EATER: WOO!!!  
  
((How'd he get in here?))  
  
PIE EATER: *shrugs*  
  
((Hmm. Well anyway, here we are at the most anticipated event of this fic: THE DANCE!! *cue fanfare* And everyone looks so pretty... even the virginal Stagey! Who knew? But first... may I present the first lovely couple to grace Rydell's gym: MUSH and SAPPHY!))  
  
SAPPHY: *her hair back to normal, and thank God!* Aw, Mush! Check out the gym! It looks so pretty!  
  
MUSH: *rubs the back of his neck cutely* YOU look so pretty...  
  
SAPPHY: *squeals* Aw darlin'! Thank you!! *does a foot-poppin' kiss... ah, go watch "The Princess Diaries" if you don't know what I'm talking about...*  
  
MUSH: *beams, extends arm* Shall we, my sweet? *award-winning smile*  
  
SAPPHY: Yippee skippy! Let's go!  
  
((They dash off... and go to our adorably awkward HOPE and BLINK!))  
  
HOPE: *gasps* Holy hell, Blink! You... *chokes* took off your eyepatch!?  
  
BLINK: *beams* You're damn right! *pimp smile*  
  
HOPE: *frowns, is a little disappointed* But-- I thought that there was, like, NO eye under it... I didn't know you were fakin' it all these years!  
  
BLINK: *pouts* Yeah, yeah... *escorts her to the dance floor*  
  
((And now all heads turn at the presence of OSCAR with not one, but TWO girls on his arm-- er, arms: RAVEN... and MAYO?! What the hell?))  
  
MAYO: *considerably uneasy as she sees OSCAR and RAVEN master the art of making out while walking* Uh... could you two excuse me for a second?... *dodges away, runs smack into RACE*  
  
RACE: *brightens* BABY!  
  
((He leans in for a smackeroo, but gets a mouthful of Mayo's hairspray as she sees someone much more appealing to her... yes, folks, it's DENTON FONTAINE, the dashing host of KZAZ's teen crap-TV. Who, confidentially, is seriously hitting a mid-life crisis like it ain't nobody's business, as he's old enough to be MAYO's father. Ah well.))  
  
MAYO: *squeals like Kim McAffee in "Bye Bye Birdie"* GAHHHH!! RACE!! Look, there he is! It's Denton Fontaine!! *licks her lips in an effort to look smoldering*  
  
RACE: Who, THAT lousy S.O.B.? *laughs* I've seen more attractive horse's patooties!  
  
MAYO: *rolls eyes* Grow up, won't you?! *sighs dreamily* He's the living END...  
  
RACE: *pouts* Fine... I'm jus' gonna go find Marilyn Monroe an' take 'er out for a night on the town... Sure, she's a little outta my league, but we already have twelve kids... Yep. I keep 'em all in my bathtub! Right next to my rubber duck collection!... *looks to see if MAYO's paying attention* Aw, fine... *shuffles away*  
  
MAYO: *about to make her move, but turns to RACE* What do you mean you got twelve kids with Marilyn Monroe?! *grabs him by his collar* 'Fess up, you scrappy li'l Italian!!  
  
RACE: Aw, I KNEW you'd take me back, baby! *dips her, kissing her smolderingly*  
  
MAYO: *dazedly, as she's whisked away* Denton... Denton WHO?...  
  
DENTON: *who's been watching from a distance* DAMN it! Another piece of jailbait taken away from me!  
  
DAVEY: Heya!  
  
CUPID: *in a cameo role, whacks DENTON with an arrow, does a dance, and exits... stage left!*  
  
DENTON: Whoa... *ogles Davey*  
  
DAVEY: *smiles, looking a little more uneasy now* Uh... what're you starin' at?  
  
DENTON: You... *coughs* Uh, I mean... *smiles* Wanna grab a bite to eat? Pizza... Caviar... Alpo?  
  
DAVEY: Alpo?! Oh, boy! *does a fancy jig*  
  
((...But our star-crossed lovers' plans are thwarted at the voice of MEDDA.))  
  
MEDDA: *looking exasperated* ...I SAID! PRESENTING! MISTER DENTON FONTAINE!!  
  
DENTON: *smiling uneasily* My bad! *winks at DAVEY* Catch YOU later, cutie!  
  
DAVEY: *coughs* Uh... wow.  
  
DENTON: *takes the stage away from MEDDA, performing some really disgusting gyrations that no one but Elvis (and the BOYS of the cast of "Newsies") should have the permission to do*  
  
EVERYONE: AUGH! DENTON!!  
  
DENTON: *smiles dashingly* Woo! Rydell High, baby!!  
  
((Cheers, cheers, and... well, jeers. From the male set, AND the non brain-dead female set.))  
  
DENTON: Right-o! So let's get this dance shit started, eh?  
  
EVERYONE: *gasps*  
  
CANARIE: *in the midst of the awkward silence* DENTON FONTAINE just said sh--  
  
DENTON: *really sweating now* ...HITS! I said "hits"! Heh-heh. Yeah... we got lots of 'em kiddies! So, uh yeah. Stay tuned, cats an' kittens! *makes the wise choice to shut up and let music play*  
  
((JACK whirls STAGEY around like the dancin' fool that he is, smack in front of the camera that's rolling to tape everything. And, as always, STAGEY freaks out.))  
  
STAGEY: Gah! Jack! Let's dance over here... I don't wanna be seen on TV!  
  
JACK: *smiles* Hey look, sweetie. It's fine! You just gotta make friends with the camera guy. *winks*  
  
STAGEY: You know the camera guy?  
  
JACK: Yep. Name's Kenny Ortega. YO, KENNY! *waves*  
  
((A dude with a super-mullet, the quintessential "Newsies" god himself, waves back from behind the camera. Yay, Kenny! *pays homage* But augh... as all good things must come to an end, SPOT shows up... and that's not the really bad part. The REALLY bad part is who he brought to the dance...))  
  
SPOT: 'Ey, Jacky-boy! Get ovah here! Want ya to meet someone...  
  
JACK: *kind of waltzes into the group* Yeah, who are you talkin'-- *eyes widen* Aw, crap...  
  
STAGEY: *puzzled* What?  
  
SPOT: *proudly displaying his date* Fellas, I want ya ta meet Sarah "Hot Dog" Jacobs!  
  
((Yeah. We didn't see THAT pairing comin', did we? Oh and by the way: Yeah, I know that she's supposed to be Cha-Cha, but c'mon! "Hot Dog" is SO much funnier! Think about it next time you watch the movie and see her hold up the hot dog and go, "Les... What is this?" Woot!))  
  
((Ah, well... in any case, there's SARAH, wearing a seriously hoochie-mama dress and hanging all over SPOT like a cheap slut. Sorry, did I mention that I can't stand her? *shrugs* Hmm.))  
  
SARAH: *pops her gum* Hmm... *gives JACK the old eyeball* What's happenin', Kelly? *winks, pulls up her skirt*  
  
JACK: Uh... nothin'! *averting SARAH's all-too-creepy eyes*  
  
SARAH: *smirks* Jack Kelly... sexy as always...  
  
BLINK: *appearing in the conversation* Who are you again?  
  
SARAH: They call me Hot Dog! 'Cause I won the Tri-County Weiner Eating Contest!  
  
((There is one hell of a pause.))  
  
RACE: *breaks the silence, snorts out a laugh*  
  
MUSH: *trying not to burst out in raucous laughter* Yep... you was eatin' them weiners like they were goin' out of style! *elbows RACE knowingly in the ribs*  
  
BLINK: *laughs loudly* Bet she swallowed 'em whole!  
  
((Now all three guys are bursting out in annoying locker-room style laughter. JACK, however, looks like he'd rather die a slow and painful death than watch all of this.))  
  
JACK: Uh, Stagey? Let's go grab some punch, hmm?  
  
STAGEY: *is quite puzzled by the goings-on* Uh, sure. Okay.  
  
((They go off to the refreshments table, where a few other members of OUR GANG are waiting, primarily SAPPHY and MUSH, and clearly MUSH is doing something crazy...))  
  
SAPPHY: Okay. Mush. Darling. WHAT in creation are you doing to the punchbowl?!  
  
MUSH: *like it's no big deal* I'm fillin' up my water gun! *dunks it into the water and squirts SAPPHY with it* Hahaha! I got you! I got you! *dances*  
  
SAPPHY: *rolls up her sleeves* Oh that's it... *pulls out a water gun out of her tiny bag and zaps MUSH with it, starting an all-out water gun war that we're sure will continue for the remainder of the fic*  
  
((*wink* Yep. Sapphy'll get that one! That was for you, cara mia! *waves* So meanwhile! STAGEY isn't going to let this whole business with "Hot Dog" Jacobs rest. Oh, no sir-ee...))  
  
STAGEY: *to JACK* So er... do you know that girl back there?  
  
JACK: *like it's no big deal* Oh, Hot Dog? Yep. We dated an' stuff. *shrugs* So?  
  
STAGEY: And you didn't want to tell me? *looks pretty hurt*  
  
JACK: *wins STAGEY over by dipping her low to the ground, kissing her smolderingly* Forget 'bout Hot Dog, huh? The only thing I care about is you...  
  
STAGEY: *is all starry-eyed* Hmm... okay...   
  
((Sheez. Oh, for crying out loud...))  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Yep. I bet you guys didn't think I'd end there, did you?! Well, I'll do some more, but I realized that this chapter was taking WAY too long. See, this way I can reel all of you in with a little taste and make you slaves to my fic! MUAHAHAHA! *pause* Did I just say that out loud?  
  
Er, please review anyway! *blows kisses* Comin' up... we have the rest of the dance annnnd its aftermath! Get ready for a bizarre turn of events, kids! (That is, if you've never seen "Grease," which I highly doubt...) 


End file.
